FAIRYTALES ON NAILS

BY GINA BUCCILLI

 

Although in general most of your clients are quite “lovely” it would appear lovely comes in different shades, or dare I say species. We’ve all got them, they are like cellulite no matter how slim you are or how hard you train, it’s just one of life’s inevitabilities. In my years as a nail tech, I have noticed a definite correlation between nails and lunacy on all levels. We have an excuse, due to overexposure, long hours and the pressure of achieving artistic genius. I like to think of my current status as just pleasantly puddled, but we are all just edge walking. All my staff at interview level were given the same psychosymetric testing, they also passed, and are now confirmed nail nuts. Add to the mix the clients who are also barking mad, and you can quite easily see how the salon very quickly becomes a sanitarium. Some of my clients are so lovely; I’ve had to be very precise when booking appointments to allow for certain considerations being in place. For example 9.00am always a no can do, can’t take that much lovely first thing, besides my paracetamols wont have kicked in yet. Never during a period, pretend if necessary you are on holiday so you can get her two weekly visits, running with your body clock. Better still, be obstructive you’re always fully booked; if all else fails apply hideous nails and hope she never returns.

TYPE ONE

The last time I visited my hairdresser, he told me I was getting wrinkles in my forehead and recommend I have a fringe cut into my hair. I promptly responded with, I’ve noticed you’ve started wearing you’re shirts out a lot, maybe a diet might help. None of this is a consequence of the natural ageing process, or concentration lines, this is a direct result of dealing with type one. Whilst listening to her perpetual whining you had to maintain a painful sympathetic smile, which has now manifested itself as deep, ugly scowl lines. Now not only have you now destroyed your relationship with your hairdresser, had to rethink your hairstyle, you also need botox injections to boot.
She has a variety of thoroughly depressing and exhausting topics, but typically she has a few favorites as standard, all of which leave you feeling quite drained and suicidal.
Here are a few, I’ve probably missed some out, but I know you can fill the gaps.
Her partner he’s always useless, at work she’s the only one who ever does anything and the kids are monsters. Childbirth always very graphic, lots of pain and stitches resulting in a prolapse and god help any other client who had a bad time, because hers was worse. She is very competitive in this area and not wishing to outdo her I will be sticking with my fur babies. The weather always has an impact on the potency of her complaining, as does the moon, the color of her neighbor’s car, her mobile phone statement, and many other important factors. Ironically type one never shines quite so brightly as at that special time of year, the season of goodwill and cheer, when her powers are at their strongest. It is at this point you will need one of those comfortable white jackets that fasten at the back.

TYPE TWO

I’ve always thought of myself as a bit Right On! open minded and good fun, but I never realized how sexually boring I was, until I met type two. In her presence I often fear for the junior members of staff in case they feel shocked or violated by her verbal porn. As for the clients who are always at zipper level, they love her, whilst the others pretend to be shocked by her candor and exploits; it makes them feel very happy and imperious to shame her disgusting ways. There’s nothing like the common enemy to bring a group of clients together, they relish the scandal. As is expected the whole salon has seen the implants, the newly styled bikini design, and the piercing, which I might add I’m still reeling from. You will after time notice her shock value begin to wane, but experience new difficulties keeping track of her love life, pay attention however or you may have to relive the story of the three blokes in Aya Napa.

TYPE THREE

She’s always very beautiful, designer top to toe appears highly confident, intelligent and articulate. If you own a salon with a huge window with lots of footfall, place her out front she fly’s the flag for success. Type three always comes with a frosty coating; it’s her nature to be sharp yet you feel sure there’s a good person inside somewhere, if only you could find it. I think its just that its such hard work being gorgeous and hanging on to her social status she doesn’t have time to be polite to everybody. Just remember at the end of the day the latest Prada handbag wont make your boobs bigger, your bum smaller, or your partner love you more.